someone posted this as a comment on a blog I tend to stalk:

This is the reason I usually cannot read any certain old emails, letters or journal entries…because I seriously struggle with being content and not second-guessing my life or my happiness in that life. Odds are there are definitely moments that we did royally screw it up. There are places where our lives and paths could have become completely different and wonderful and terrible and tragic or whatever, if we had chosen something other than what we did.But thinking about it makes me crazy. And I try to choose my choice again whenever I find myself in those moments – because even though there are parts that suck about where I am at right now, and days where I wish I had gone another direction, there are also some fabulously beautiful moments – and usually, even after crying and being messy – I find that I really am glad I picked them.

and seriously. I don't often read the comments on this blog, but I am glad I picked to read them today. It was amazing to see that A. I am not the only person that feels this way sometimes. I mean yeah we all know it, but to see it in plain text is just a bit more comforting.

But B It drudges up a lot of stuff. sometimes I think about a lot of things. Especially what my life might have looked like if I had only stayed 1 semester in DK like was originally planned. Then I make myself stop. It is all too much and most days still overwhelming. waaay overwhelming.
And some days I really question why I moved to the north where I knew it would be cold and I really pretended like winter would never show up here. Denial. I am the queen of it most of the time.

A choice is a choice, and this might be way wrong to say but unfortunately for most of them there is no Plan B like commodity to use as an undo. lame.

I am glad that the comment was posted. It was helpful. I need to crawl out of the ditch I have fallen into. I just feel like it might be hopeless. I am just in an entire life of question right now. I have no ties. I am free after July to move along and go anywhere and be near anyone. I like it, but I feel like it might be unfair in some way that I can't articulate.

I feel super anxiety ridden as of late. My dreams are also huge symbols of this I think. 
Today is just one of those work makes me sooo frustrated days. There is grant that let's me work here. Every campus that has a VISTA has one based on a grant proposal.
I work hard. I try and engage students and do my job.
Next week is National Hunger and Homelessness Awareness Week I have been working for months to organize events, speakers, menus, spaces, and committees. Months. It isnt something I am just throwing together.
Now apparently some other event is take precedence and really I dont know what to do.
I know life isn's fair but I feel like making me move everything I have done REAAAALLY isn't fair.
It isnt that easy and there isnt much time left in the semester. Really none because it is that time of the year ti be bogged down with work . I know hello its not like I dont know what it is like to be a student. geez. Come December all they do is try and play catch up before finals.
So now I get to either fight it or move my week. Personally I think they can happen at the same time. but others are not so keen. lame. None of the events overlap.

AAAAAHHHH! *sigh*

I just had a co-worker come into my office asking for tissues.  Without thinking I pull the little pack out of my drawer and hand them over.  Thinking everyone here has a cold  it's no big deal. Then I really pay attention and realize that they have been crying. Slightly shocked as to what could have made this normally funny and witty person upset I ask if there is anything besides handing over tissues that I can do.

I am no good at giving advice, but let me tell you if someone wronged you and I am on your side then I will stick by you 100%. I will dislike whoever I need to and get angry with you or cry with you and just be as empathetic as possible, 'cause that is just how I work.

The co-worker proceeds to tell me a story of how a mother has called berating him for encouraging her daughter to apply and be accepted into the spring break trip to Nicaragua. She let out a stream of terribly hateful comments about third world nations and the incivility of it all. 
Personally, I think it is absurd. Why is the mother not talking to the daughter? She assumed they were goingto be in the jungle. Of course they aren't, they will be in a city, but even still how freaking cool would it be to go to the jungle. Because I would say that would be freaking sweeeet. maybe that is just me.
This also wasn't the first time they had spoken.  The conversation was planned, yet the mother kept threatening all sorts of things if she was contacted again. I don't suppose that will be happening anyway after her little show.

My co-worker was feeling overwhelmed by the' rigid hatred filled tone' that the mother was putting off.
I just have a hard time with parents who don't give their children room to grow.  I want to go a lot of dangerous and scary places and that terrifies my mother, and she will tell me she doesn't like an idea and she will tell me all kinds of things, but at the end of the day, she supports my choices and I am thankful for that. I just wish other parents could understand how much a trip to these foreign places grows and changes a person.  Speaking from experience I gained invaluable amounts of life experience and knowledge from my trips abroad. 

It also helped me to learn that people who think the US is the greatest and mightiest nation have a lot to learn.  There are so many things we can learn from these undeveloped and developing nations such as the sense of community that has gotten lost in the me generation, or how to raise up and train children rather than letting them be raised by what technology has to offer through Dora or Sesame Street.
I just struggle with the need I have to do international service I guess.

But back on point. I felt bad and I didn't know what to do or say. I just listened, which I know sometimes is best. The mother even ran a background check. Who does that? I am convinced this woman is crazy and shouldn't be given the time of day, but that isn't how the red tape in high education works. how unfortunate.
I just hope she realizes how embarrassed her daughter must feel, and that she gets to go on the trip so that my co-worker can stop stressing and not have to deal with inappropriate slurs that some US citizens continue to use because no one will stand up and defend the fact that they are wrong.